Maybe We Have More in Common Than We Think

It’s funny how quickly we decide who we have something in common with.

We look at someone’s career, education, business, income, family, accomplishments, or even how put-together their life seems, and we form a picture. Sometimes we decide they have it all together. Sometimes we decide they probably wouldn’t understand us. And sometimes we look at everything they’ve accomplished and think, What could I possibly bring to their table?

But the older I get, the more I realize how little the outside actually tells us.

Someone can have the degrees, the successful career, the beautiful home, the thriving business, or all the things we tend to associate with success and still be dealing with family struggles, heartbreak, uncertainty, exhaustion, or simply trying to figure out what comes next.

Money can certainly give us more options. Education can give us knowledge. Experience can open doors. But none of those things keep life from happening.

Sometimes the connection is somewhere else

I think we naturally look for connection with people who seem like us. Same stage of life. Same kind of business. Similar background. Similar interests.

But lately I’ve been thinking about how some of the strongest connections can happen with people whose lives look very different from ours.

Because maybe what connects us isn't what we do. Maybe it's what we're walking through.

Two people can have completely different backgrounds and still understand what it feels like to have family responsibilities collide with work. They can run completely different kinds of businesses and both know what it’s like to wonder how they’re going to keep all the plates spinning.

One person can have a wall full of degrees while another learned most of what they know by actually doing it.

On paper, they may not look like they have much in common at all.

But sit down and really talk? You might discover something completely different.

And then the differences become a good thing

This may be my favorite part.

Once we find that common ground, we don't have to become more alike.

Someone else may think in strategies and frameworks while I’m thinking, Okay, but how is an actual person going to use this?

Someone may have knowledge I don't have. I may have lived experience they don't have. Someone else may see a solution neither of us considered.

That's not a problem to overcome. That's where things can get interesting.

We can come alongside each other without bringing the same things with us.

Perception can get in the way

Years ago, a friend talked a lot about perception, and that has stuck with me.

We do it all the time. We perceive someone is too busy, so we don't reach out. We perceive someone is successful, so we assume they don't need anything. We see someone's credentials and decide we couldn't possibly have anything to offer them.

And yes, people make assumptions based on appearance too.

The problem is, we're making decisions based on a story we've created about someone instead of the person actually standing in front of us.

What if we looked a little deeper?

At their heart. Their passion. What matters to them. What they're experiencing.

Maybe we'd find people we never expected to have much in common with.

And maybe instead of wondering whether we belong at the same table, we'd discover we each brought something worth putting on it.

We don't have to be alike to come alongside each other.

Sometimes we just have to see the person.